A time to keep, a time to dispose
A few years ago my Grandma Ambrose told me a story that has stuck with me. When it came time to pack up her father's apartment after he passed away, she asked her older sister to make something of a deal with her. Even before entering the apartment, she asked her sister if she would promise to give her the only thing she wanted to keep. Her sister asked her what the thing was, and Grandma just asked her to agree to give her just this one thing. Her sister agreed, and my Grandma upon going into her father's last home took possession of a plaque of the Holy Family that had hung in her parents' bedroom for as long as she could remember. It was the only thing she wanted from what her father's possessions of his ninety plus years, but so dear to her.
I keep thinking about this story as I have been packing up our own possessions in the US for long-term storage. My desire to have a home filled with things that have similar histories, or will have similar histories someday, is turning into a deferred fantasy. A Madonna that has been on my dresser since I was eighteen, a crucifix I gave to Randy the year Myles was born, the books Randy devoured as a young boy, a table I spent a summer refinishing, an afgan knitted by my great-grandmother----I wonder what sort of things my own children would one day want to keep long after we are gone. What would my sixty-year-old children beg one another to bring to their own homes?
After almost three years of denial, we have figured out that our move to China is much more permanent than we have ever cared to admit. Partly this is due to the fact that the position Randy originally accepted with this company was a six-to-nine month temporary assigment in Shenzhen, to be followed by a permanent job back in the U.S. Things changed, as will happen, and we were invited as a family to live in Shenzhen for an indefinite amount of time.
We elected to maintain our house in Pittsburgh through these years. For us, it gave us our own place where we could come home and feel at home. Our Chinese apartments always felt more temporary to us, even though we were only spending five or six weeks a year in the US. We were never surrounded by our own furniture, our own art collection, our own books, our own family things. Bit-by-bit I've brought some small things that have fit in our suitcases, but mostly our own things have remained in Pittsburgh.
This year we are now facing even more changes, and our stay in China will apparently be even longer than any of us could have ever anticipated. Our house, once shared with family members who lived in the house for as long as they needed, is no longer needed by anyone, and we are in the process of emptying it. Much of our furniture is finding new homes among various family members. Charities that pick-up donations have already been the beneficiary of one truckload of "stuff." More will certainly follow. We have arranged for a storage facilty to house what we do chose to keep until we return here to live.
I have been sorting so much these past few weeks, trying to decide what to give away, what to keep, and what to take. Most of the furniture I have willingly surrendered are pieces Randy purchased on his own, or that we bought jointly. A very few things, those that I either bought myself or refinished myself, I am a little less willing to give away. My holding on to them will probably continue only into the next few days, once I realize that we just don't have room to store them.
And then we get to baby clothes and baby toys. With a baby on the way again, I want to try to supply this baby with some of Myles' favorites. They seem so tested, so true----is it silly to think that someday I will say to someone, "Every one of my kids wore/played with that"? Add to this mix Myles' own toys that he would love to have with us in China, and I am faced with the daunting possibility of scarring him for life because his favorite whatever was given away or stored until he was too old to care about it.
So for now we pack, we pare down, we sort. Tiring, exhausting--physically and emotionally. But soon it will be done.
I keep thinking about this story as I have been packing up our own possessions in the US for long-term storage. My desire to have a home filled with things that have similar histories, or will have similar histories someday, is turning into a deferred fantasy. A Madonna that has been on my dresser since I was eighteen, a crucifix I gave to Randy the year Myles was born, the books Randy devoured as a young boy, a table I spent a summer refinishing, an afgan knitted by my great-grandmother----I wonder what sort of things my own children would one day want to keep long after we are gone. What would my sixty-year-old children beg one another to bring to their own homes?
After almost three years of denial, we have figured out that our move to China is much more permanent than we have ever cared to admit. Partly this is due to the fact that the position Randy originally accepted with this company was a six-to-nine month temporary assigment in Shenzhen, to be followed by a permanent job back in the U.S. Things changed, as will happen, and we were invited as a family to live in Shenzhen for an indefinite amount of time.
We elected to maintain our house in Pittsburgh through these years. For us, it gave us our own place where we could come home and feel at home. Our Chinese apartments always felt more temporary to us, even though we were only spending five or six weeks a year in the US. We were never surrounded by our own furniture, our own art collection, our own books, our own family things. Bit-by-bit I've brought some small things that have fit in our suitcases, but mostly our own things have remained in Pittsburgh.
This year we are now facing even more changes, and our stay in China will apparently be even longer than any of us could have ever anticipated. Our house, once shared with family members who lived in the house for as long as they needed, is no longer needed by anyone, and we are in the process of emptying it. Much of our furniture is finding new homes among various family members. Charities that pick-up donations have already been the beneficiary of one truckload of "stuff." More will certainly follow. We have arranged for a storage facilty to house what we do chose to keep until we return here to live.
I have been sorting so much these past few weeks, trying to decide what to give away, what to keep, and what to take. Most of the furniture I have willingly surrendered are pieces Randy purchased on his own, or that we bought jointly. A very few things, those that I either bought myself or refinished myself, I am a little less willing to give away. My holding on to them will probably continue only into the next few days, once I realize that we just don't have room to store them.
And then we get to baby clothes and baby toys. With a baby on the way again, I want to try to supply this baby with some of Myles' favorites. They seem so tested, so true----is it silly to think that someday I will say to someone, "Every one of my kids wore/played with that"? Add to this mix Myles' own toys that he would love to have with us in China, and I am faced with the daunting possibility of scarring him for life because his favorite whatever was given away or stored until he was too old to care about it.
So for now we pack, we pare down, we sort. Tiring, exhausting--physically and emotionally. But soon it will be done.
Comments
Don't worry about scarring Miles. Children are pretty resilient, especially if their parents love them.
=)