In which I'm officially welcomed to (expat) China

This week at last I joined a local foreign women's club. I had been putting it off for the better part of this year, and even struggled with whether or not to bother. In the end, I elected to join.

I guess it was kind of silly for me to be so vexed by something so minor as this, but I was. For one thing, most of Randy's friends take a very dim view of the membership of this club. Then again, the membership would take a very dim view of these guys if they even knew of those guys' existence. Among Randy's friends I am probably the only foreign women they ever interact with, and the mere possibility of my joining this club last year was cause enough for some not-so-gentle harassment from them.

Then when I came back to China earlier this year, I was in no position to go about meeting anyone new, except through a few existing friends that were able to provide a buffer for me. The time was not right for me to do anything large scale, like join this club and participate in their events. Meeting people and trying to forge friendships is hard enough without worrying about burdening new aquaintances with our overwhelming grief.

Months wore on, and as a family we stuck together, exploring the city of Shenzhen usually on our own, though occassionally with some of the friends I did have here. We developed our own life and routines. I began to cook lunch and dinner more and more. The oven was added, and we baked. Myles and I spent countless hours on buses, a longer trip to anywhere than a cab, but one that allowed us to study stops and street signs and intersections. We drank a lot of Starbucks.

We've grown to enjoy the life we have developed for ourselves here. It isn't like most expatriate family's, though it certainly isn't like a Chinese family's either. It's just ours. So when this one foreign woman reminded me last week that I still hadn't joined the club, that it was great for us "to support each other with trying to live here," it was hard for me not to tell her that I didn't need the support. I didn't need to try to live here. I did live here. I know it didn't look like her life, or a majority of the club's members' lives. We like our life, though.

Don't get me wrong, family and friends. We miss you guys so much and cry frustrated tears so often, especially when the time difference has prevented us from calling as often as we we want. Myles pretends that he has talked to Crispian, and Collin, and Caetlyn all the time. I really want to go back to Pittsburgh, the land of Carnegie Libraries, and child-friendly museums, and 24-7 Steelers breaking news coverage. And 20 Mass time choices every Sunday!!!! How can I forget that?

Most days, though, we are not crying about how much we hate China. It is easy to fall into that, and we fight that urge when it arises. That usually means acceptance of the circumstances and situations beyond our control, something everyone has to do all the time anyway, but it can be really difficult with the language barrier.

This week, then, I joined the foreign women's club. I was greeted warmly as a newcomer to Shenzhen, though by the end of the morning meeting I was showing some of the self-described "Old China Hands" how to use the bilingual Starbucks store directory to get around Shenzhen. As I tell people, "You may not care to find the Starbucks, but it is probably close to something you want to see or do."

Already, though, I've been not-surprised by this club this week. One woman was giving me a rundown of upcoming events, pointing out a few evening events that, "husbands are welcome to, too!" I thanked her and told here that I was more interested in things my son can come to, too, because I don't have a sitter. This was met with a really terse Oh.

Then yesterday I went to what I thought was an open Mother-child playgroup at the playground in the gated community. It was on the calendar of events, and I thought it might be a nice way to meet other mothers, maybe some with some of my same interests and wide-open schedule. This is how I met my friend Katie last year, so maybe it could happen again. The playground was packed with kids, mostly under the age of six. However, I was the only mother there for hours. All of the other children were supervised by their ayi or nanny. Myles had a great time, which was most important, because playgrounds and playgroups are for kids. However, as kids left to go home, there were no "Wow, our kids get along so well, let's get together sometime, etc etc " exchanges, like you often get after such afternoons. Just, "bye bye."

Later this week I expect to receive my Welcome to Shenzhen newcomer packet from the club. It will be full of coupons and the like, which is good, but also schedules for events and activities that are impossible for me to attend, even if I were interested. Then again, it isn't the Family Club, it is the Women's Club.