Her gift to us

We are still trying to get a handle on what has happened to us. We have been humbled (in a good way) by all the love and prayers showered upon us by strangers, family, and friends. After Maeve's funeral I kept remarking to Randy, "I can't believe so-and-so sent flowers," and "Can you believe she drove down from Elmira?" Friends that took off work, one who told me that she would have quit if she wouldn't been able to take off. It isn't like anyone did anything out of character, like my friend that drove down from Elmira or anyone that sent flowers, but it was completely amazing to us, all of it, nearly all at once.
In between the bouts of sadness and crying, Randy and I have been looking back over the past eight months. It was the happiest we have been as a family perhaps ever. We were ecstatic to learn we were expecting when I came back from China this summer. When we reunited in China in the fall, we were ridiculously and sickeningly happy. Life was a great big open adventure to us. If I ended the story right there, it would have read "and they lived happily ever after. the end." I mean, how could it not?
I really believe that was Maeve's gift to us. I was hoping that I would be giving Randy another daughter to adore, that we would be giving Myles a sister close to his age to be his on-call companion and support later in life. But she gave us the most of all. She gave us eight months of joy and hope and love.
Thank you sweet baby. We love you.

Comments

Kristen said…
When I lost our first baby (at seven weeks), we were devastated. It had taken over a year to conceive him or her (unheard of for women as young as I was) and I started bleeding only a few days after we confirmed the pregnancy. The joy was short-lived and the pain seemed as if it would last forever. When we conceived our daughter, I was terrified I would lose her as well. But that first baby had brought us hope. They had said we wouldn't be able to conceive on our own, but we had. And that baby had made me a mother, even if for just a few weeks. I realized after the birth of my daughter this summer that if we had carried the first baby to term we wouldn't have our daughter now most likely. A terrible choice that no mother should have to make. But not a day goes by when I don't thank God for that first baby, who I believe is my daughter's special angel in heaven and that is part of the gift he or she is to us. God Bless You all, you are in our prayers.
Kristen
Anonymous said…
Wow Jen, you really blow me away! I so admire you for the great and loving Mom that you are. What a blessing you are to all the people around you, who get to see you as a tried and true Mother and Christian. I am in awe of your faith and wisdom! I am sorry it has taken me this long to respond, but I was stuck in trying to process the whole thing. Thank you for doing that for me. Here I wanted to be there for you... Your amazing! God bless! Love,Aunt Sheryl
Anonymous said…
Ambrose,
I am Rachel B's (Testosterhome) dad so I , of course, read of your loss recently. As one of her avid readers I have followed her ups and downs. I have found the comments between sisters of the blog most heartwarming. There is truly a network for life among you. I know that this on-line community suffers with you at this time. I have thought often of you, your family, the great trip your husband made to come home...It must have seemed overwhelming at times. My prayer is that you will be comforted through this and, in fact, strengthened. Thank you for so openly sharing your heart...I know it has meant so much to so many of us.
Steve
Anonymous said…
Dear Ambrose,
I linked here through my friend Rachel's BLOG. Please know that we are praying for you at this time. My husband and I are currently waiting to see if our baby is alive. They can't find him / her on the sonograms. Hopefully we'll find out tomorrow. It's great to know that there are more people out there who value life above other things. Thanks for your witness to His mercy,love and healing. Praying for you daily,
Heather Raven
Anonymous said…
Thank you Jen for being such a beautiful mom. And for sharing that beauty with all of us. God be with you.
Renee said…
This is a lovely, transformational response to such sadness! You truly are an example of how love is never wasted. It is eternal, and is the bond between us all, even through the veil between heaven and earth. My prayers are with you and your family. May her memory be eternal!
Suzanne Temple said…
This is so beautiful! God bless your whole family.
natasha said…
i am so sorry that i have been so absent in your life in the past few years (and everyone else's, too). i am really glad that so many people made sure you knew that they loved you and were keeping you in their prayers. your positive view of such a heartbreaking experience is so wonderful and i imagine that it would make a lot of other women and men that have lost babies feel some comfort.

let me know if you want to get together some time. i think you were supposed to be moving to china...

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Anonymous said…
Jen,
I have always lived my life with the phrase "God never gives us anything we can't handle". Your Inspirational message is just proof to me that this saying is true. You are a special gift from God to our family.
Love, Aunt AM
Banshee said…
So sweet to the taste --
honey wine, warrior queen --
too strong for this Earth

The Father, connoisseur,
bought up the whole brew
Anonymous said…
jen,
i prayed and prayed that no one would have to feel this pain especially my sister. you have proven, however, that you are far stronger than i had ever imagined. you may not think so, but i assure you...you wear it right next to your mommy badge. i sat here for a bit, crying and trying to decide what it was i wanted to say to you...there is nothing anyone can say that will make it all better. i know that. i am so greatful that you have found a way to embrace the joy that you had.
i envy you. i love you and miss you!!!
love corinne
Anonymous said…
Jen, my wife & I lost our first pregnancy after about 6 weeks and we were devastated--only to conceive again within a few months. We now have a precious 5 and a half year old girl. We also had a 2nd miscarriage, before we conceived our son. So if bearing a child is meant to be for you, I just have one word: Patience, hon.