Forward or standing still
Thank you everyone for the comments and emails. I like how you see me in these posts, especially since we are sad more often than not. People have remarked "how well" I'm handling this, and I am not sure what anyone expected. But if they mean I am getting out of bed and combing my hair, I'll accept that. Having someone who relies on me for food and clean underwear helps.
I have yet to venture out into our regular Pittsburgh world: the library, the museums, even our regular Starbucks. How do I tell them what happened when they notice I'm not pregnant anymore? Do I rehearse this in front of a mirror? Keep repeating it until I don't cry at the very thought of it? And then when we go back to China (hopefully next month), I will have to do this all over again. At not one but 2 churches, at Starbucks, probably even to our beggars on the street.
I don't want this to become a sad mother blog. I hope it can go back to my regular journaling, either as Obsessive Steelers Fan or Catholic Mommy or Crazy White Lady in China, or whatever I am.
I have yet to venture out into our regular Pittsburgh world: the library, the museums, even our regular Starbucks. How do I tell them what happened when they notice I'm not pregnant anymore? Do I rehearse this in front of a mirror? Keep repeating it until I don't cry at the very thought of it? And then when we go back to China (hopefully next month), I will have to do this all over again. At not one but 2 churches, at Starbucks, probably even to our beggars on the street.
I don't want this to become a sad mother blog. I hope it can go back to my regular journaling, either as Obsessive Steelers Fan or Catholic Mommy or Crazy White Lady in China, or whatever I am.
Comments
Here's an idea for a post: I read in the Philadelphia Inquirer about a letter the Chinese Church is waitng for from the Pope. What's that impact going to be?
One day you will wake up and not be sad. It won't be the first thing you think about that morning. The key is to realize that you are healing and that is some evidence. Don't feel guilty. You won't be forgetting. You'll be recovering. It does happen. In its own time.
But in the meantime, don't be afraid of the tears that come when you have to tell others what happened. Tears are brief. Sharing our sorrows helps us to bear them.
You are yet in my prayers.
Seriously, this will take time to integrate into your life, to figure out a standard information to give those who inquire, to devise coping strategies that get you through the day. And you are the only one who can determine the timeline for that.
Grieving is like waking up and realizing that gravity is gone, that what anchored you vanished and the world now topsy turvy. You regain a center of gravity with time, but no one expects this to be quick.
you will feel better. i know you will. it's hard. don't rehearse anything. say exactly what is on your mind.
you are amazing.
i love you, randy, myles and maeve!!!!
i miss you!!!!
corinne
you all are always close in heart
All joking aside, those that care about you the most are already up to date with your life. Enough said.....
Everything happens for a reason, even if you don't know the reason in your lifetime.