I have such thoughtful friends

So last week I got an email from Natasha wondering if I had moved to Pittsburgh permanently and if that meant I might be single. If those were the case, she had someone in mind I might want to meet.
Well, I haven't moved to Pittsburgh permanently (yet), though I may establish residency so I can buy a car in the next few weeks. And I certainly am still married, though I haven't talked much about Randy of late (my bad). We are working on getting us all living in the same state under the same roof--it is a little more complicated than it really needs to be.
So anyway, while I was flattered by Natasha's offer to match me up, I thought to myself how glad I am that I am not available for dating. Apart from the fact that it is completely foreign territory to me (I can count on one hand the number of dates I've been on), it is really too much work. I mean, you have to care about how you look and make sure you always smell good. I know that for some of my guy friends, some that might actually be reading this, neither of those things were obstacles to their getting dates. But they are guys.
So Randy can rest assured that I am not in the market for a side order because I am too tired to care about how I look and if I smell good.